WORN

I am a hat girl, not a shoe girl. In high school, I remember I had three bucket hats- a dark fuzzy one I hid beneath during bouts of depression, and two neutral ones that I wore on the rare occasion I slipped on a dress. This collection eventually grew to include newsboy hats with different textures and histories; ball caps supporting my favorite teams; cadet caps and a drivers cap from my grandfather; a straw hat that doesn't leave my head once summer hits; a few knit beanies to cover winter months; and a fedora that sets in my daughters' dress-up box, originally purchased for a homecoming dance ensemble over ten years ago.

Stacked atop each other, I'd look like that peddler from the old children's book, "Caps for Sale."

Right now that feels like the story of my life.

I had a few moments with my husband last weekend to catch up before heading out again for a small group, and each time I tried to speak to him, my voice caught in my throat. We've had a bit of a whirlwind month, and these quiet moments are few and far between, usually spent dozing the moment all of our girls have finally gone to bed. I desperately wanted to communicate whatever was going on in my heart, but when asked, all I could manage to say was... "I'm overwhelmed."

I delight in being a mother. It's challenging and joyful and heart wrenching and beautiful. I adore being a wife to my husband. It is adventurous and exhausting and romantic and convicting, all rolled into one. I revel in being a part of a ministry. It's humbling and refreshing and exciting and transforming. I take joy in being a sister, a daughter, a friend, a neighbor, and...EVERYTHING. The roles we get to fill in this life are an honor and a privilege. I don't resent a single one. (Usually.)

Sometimes I struggle to wear so many hats at once, though.

Often I feel that instead of wearing them, I'm drowning in a deluge of headgear.

I think I have a list of expectations on myself for every title, and there are not enough hours in a year, let alone a single day, to fulfill that list to completion. I am trying so hard not to fail the people I love so much, sometimes I feel as though I'm squeezing a fistful of sand with all my might only for the grains to come spilling out that much quicker.

So as I have a minute with Jesus tonight, I'm choosing to rest on passages like John 13:35, a reminder that people will know Christ by my love toward others rather than my accomplishments; 1 Corinthians 13:1, stressing that spiritual gifts are a nuisance if driven by the wrong motive; or Mark 12:30-31, emphasizing that God's bottom line is love embodied.

If I believe all that is true, then I need to trade in those hats. I am the daughter of Christ, Love Incarnate. That's my singular role, and my responsibility is to wear that hat with love in all arenas. That's it. There is no exception. That's the expectation. That's the lens I need to use as a filter for moments and responsibilities. Does this action show love? Does it come from a heart to love? CAN I be loving while juggling this many things? If not, what areas would God have me step back from?

My God is not disappointed that I am not a great meal planner. He is not ashamed of my children's store-bought costumes. He is not concerned that my three-year-old is behind in lesson plans. He hasn't written you or me off because we haven't figured out how to gracefully handle the role(s) we've been given. Rather, He is passionate about His creation. He is pursuing our hearts. And He invites us to reciprocate.

So that is my prayer over you in this moment. I pray that you would feel the pressure of expectations melt away as Christ's compassion and knowledge of His unconditional love washes over your life, your home, and your heart. I pray that you would stop attaching an unrealistic agenda to your calendar, stop checking social media to see if you measure up in your many roles, and stop walking around with a pile of hats on your head.

You have been grafted into the family of God, you have been redeemed and renewed by His sacrifice, and you have been given only one hat to wear, that of His child. Wear it in love. THAT is your role, your right, and your responsibility. The important things will follow and the insignificant things can fade away. (Let them.)

With Fierce Love,

-Jaime Morford